dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
