we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
