you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
