Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
