I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
