Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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