Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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