How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think a kid would responsible me up
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
