Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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