So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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