she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
