I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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