OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
