ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
