I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
