My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
