Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
