there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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