i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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