nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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