I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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