there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
