watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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