and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
