i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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