i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
