...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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