: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
