around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
