You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
