Do you still have your period?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
