i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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