I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
