it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
