He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize