Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
