my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
