it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
