do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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