Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
