Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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