xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
