It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
