He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
