Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
