I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's just like the Real World with babies
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
