You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
