She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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