I am in a vortex of obligation.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
