Even the bartender felt bad for me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
