I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
