Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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