HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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