"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
