can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
