I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
