tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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