between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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