So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
