Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize