I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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