You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
