Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
