:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
